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Where is my perseverence ?

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 17:26:10 +0100

Since I can remember, I have had lots of ideas for my own business. There were so many ideas that at times I seriously considered to become a broker for business ideas. But with the advertising agency JuniorSenior I came pretty close. There is almost nothing I like better than develop creative concepts and solutions for businesses and ensure that their sales improve. And I am proud that we succeed at that quite well.

But still now and then the business ideas keep popping into my head. In addition to advertising and coaching, I am now working on the development of a ‘webshop’. I am so excited, because I am now in the best phase, the creation phase. The design and the copy are almost done, samples of the products from around the world are sent towards me and I visualized the success of this business completely

Yet there is a fear in me. I know my old pitfall will announce itself in a little while. How many times did I start something, but I lost my interest after the first setback or criticism. To bring a plan to a successful conclusion, I can do very well for others, but not so well for myself.

I decided to do a coaching session with myself. It is so great that I can test myself with NEI (Neuro Emotional Integration) and investigate the source of this extremely annoying trait to abandon a good plan too soon. I define for myself the goal: "I can persevere and make my own plans a success”. This sentence tests weak. Mmmm.

Then begins the puzzle as to why I am not a go-getter in this field. If I was aware of the reason, the problem would be long gone. I discover that I sabotage myself when the reward (success) cannot be reached quick enough. In other words, I am impatient. Imagine that it will not go as I expected.

Then I discover that the first time I felt this as well happened when I was 19 years old. I was a trainee at a school and was teaching English to bold and often very demotivated teenage boys at a Lower Technical School in a deprived area. I remember I was the only "girl" walking around in that school and I felt terrible and sometimes even threatened. How could they send me to this school? This I had absolutely not expected. The result of this experience is that I do not like unpleasant surprises and if I can prevent something unpleasant, I will choose the easy route and abandon the plan. Therefore, I drop the implementation of my plan so easily. Okay what do I do next.

With NEI we replace the sabotaging emotion, in this case ‘impatience and cannot cope with unexpected things’, by something more positive such as ‘I am confident that I can properly execute this idea.’ For this we use acupressure massage, breathing and visualization at the same time. It works. My affirmation: "I can persevere when it comes to successfully implementing my own plans, even if there are unexpected things" now tests strong. Pfff this feels wonderful, now I have even more confidence that this webshop is a great idea and will be a success ;-).

I will certainly present the launch of the webshop on this blog. If you want to know if and why you sabotage yourself, make an appointment for a NEI session. An absolute guarantee for great insights.

Do you have the power of persuasion?

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 15:32:57 +0100

I am reading the book “Yes! 50 secrets from the science of persuasion." It contains great number tricks and tips to convince others that you are right, to sell your products and services better, to make people spend more money (or to make sure you as a consumer don’t make others influence you to buy more;-), to get more cooperation from your children, and many more.I myself am mainly persuaded when feelings are involved (the kinesthetic type) and therefore one study in the book interests me more. It is about the influence of emotions on negotiation skills.

Two groups each saw a short film. For one group the film was neutral and without emotion. The second group got to see an emotional film with a pathetic and sad story that also ended badly. After a break, the test groups were invited to do a completely different test. They had to buy and sell colored pencils. Both groups had to negotiate price. What happened? The people who had seen the sad film were more flexible in the negotiations. They were willing to pay more to obtain the markers and they were willing to sell the markers for much less. The people who had viewed the neutral film were clearly better off. They were much better negotiators. Negative feelings have quite a lot influence on our persuasion and bargaining power. So whenever you have to take a very important decision or give a very important presentation, make sure you feel well, positive and balanced.

Both in our private lives and in business we are every day trying to convince others. Some people are naturally good at it. They have the ability, the looks and the way of talking, and everybody believes them immediately. Barack Obama for example was like that during the election campaign. Someone else may preach exactly the same words, but will not be as convincing. Why?

In NEI coaching terms this is called ‘congruent’. Barack Obama was congruent with what he said. If you are congruent with your message, your persuasiveness is much greater. Congruency means that in every cell of your body you believe what you say. Indeed, only a small percentage of what we say is verbal communication. A much larger proportion is non-verbal. In many cases we are not congruent, and our attempts to convince others fail and that important business deal for example is not in your pocket.

It is therefore crucial to be congruent with our message in order to succeed. During a NEI counseling session we constantly review whether you are congruent with "empowering" feeding beliefs and convictions about yourself, your work, relationships, your body, health, confidence, etc.. And if instead you have "obstructive" beliefs and convictions that prevent you from having a positive feeling and behavior, we need to work on that. We ensure that the obstructing conviction is released, so a new empowering thought can arise.

I am convinced that even the most entrenched limiting convictions can be taken away, and that anyone can convincingly bring out his or her own passion and talent. Do you want to find out if you are 100% congruent with your empowering beliefs or how you can become more convincing? Then make an appointment and send an email to fabienne@abfab-coaching.com

The power of words

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:50:10 +0100

"I am admirable.” The client looks at me as if I'm crazy. "I cannot tell myself that, it is simply not true." An hour later, she goes home with this affirmation on a note and a promise to repeat this little sentence three times per day (but preferably more often).

Talking to yourself, provided it is positive and constructive, is one of the best methods for a healthy and happy life. I’ve been talking to myself since I was a child. I think all children do. But I've never stopped. Almost always when I'm alone I whisper to myself, rehearsing tomorrow’s meetings or repeating the conversations or thoughts I had today. In the past my talk was not always positive and constructive, it was perhaps even more often angry and negative about myself. Now I know that I enjoy cheering myself up and that therefore I feel better immediately. "Who are you talking to mommy?", my kids ask me and sometimes my "Amoureux" teases me by imitating my whispering. Then I think to myself that this for me the best way to digest the past and to visualize the future.

When in 2009, our advertising agency JuniorSenior was affected heavily by the crisis, the positive in myself talk certainly helped. Customers who withdrew contracts and big budgets, colleagues who we had to say goodbye to after many years together, a company that had flourished and grew for 12 years, wherein we put our heart and soul was all of a sudden a lot smaller and less successful. That was like a hard slap in the face and a big disappointment.

Despite all feelings of sadness and misery, I kept repeating "I have plenty of positive energy." I'm sure that has helped me a lot to go on and see the future bright and sunny. Without that phrase, I think we could not look back on a very instructive 2009, a promising first half year of 2010 with great fun assignments and starting up fine collaborations with old and new customers.

In the book, “Discovering the purpose of life through the power of words” Kevin Hall refers to “…Trotzdem ja zum leben sagen (The meaning of life)” of the Austrian philosopher and psychologist Victor Frankl. Frankl lost during World War II virtually his entire family, his home and his belongings. The intensity of his past can of course not be compared to ours. But what he learns us, is that there is one thing that can never be taken away from us: that is our attitude and our thoughts about ourselves. You can always keep the control over your own dignity.

The power of words is enormous. Telling yourself "I am admirable" helps you to see the signals that you are worthy. And that, without feelings of jealousy, you can admire others back. What would you like to say to yourself? Let me know on fabienne@abfab-coaching.com.

Dreams come true

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 20:55:33 +0100

I am writing this blog while I sit beside my pool at home in Nice, southern France. Five years ago I moved here with my husband and two daughters from Amsterdam, The Netherlands. I am finally living the dream I have had for more than 30 years since I came to the Côte d'Azur for the first time with my parents on holiday. I visualized so many times what it would be like to live in Nice.

Thirty years of visualizing is long. Now I know how it works and so it takes less long. I've discovered a pattern that can be used by everyone to work in a structured way on a plan, a project or a dream. For everybody who has a dream, but has difficulties with the fulfillment, this is a practical method.Each new plan has a cycle of nine process steps. It often occurs that people are blocked in one or more of these steps. There are many reasons to nominate, but often it is fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, frustration and so on. When there is a blockage, the process blocks as well. And even worse, you go back into the previous steps to investigate further, read more books about the subject, you think you need more education, and again you postpone to take action. This is probably recognizable for many people.

The jump from Creation to Integration is the biggest and scariest step to take. The preparation of your plan, the design and creation phase is fun and relatively safe, but then you really have to take action! For starting entrepreneurs, it is exciting to pick up the phone and call potential leads for an appointment, and convince them that they need you.

With NEI coaching, we can quickly find out which step in the process crashes and we find out exactly why it crashes there. The reason is most probably a previous experience that has made a huge impression, but is deeply hidden in the unconscious. The purpose of the session is to become ‘free’ in every process step and finally reach the intended end result: success. NEI coaching includes NLP, acupressure and visualization to ensure that the limiting beliefs or emotions are replaced by better and supportive beliefs. This is a fantastic experience and a very special process.

My most recent dream to learn other people how they can make their dream come true, was created here at this same pool. And within less than 6 months this company has now about 50 satisfied customers all working towards their dream. And so I have arrived at the process step "relax". A very important step, that makes me digest and evaluate everything that I have done in the past few months. And oh, what is that difficult, because secretly I look forward to the next cycle again.

Meaning of Life

Thu, 13 May 2010 15:52:44 +0100

The past few weeks I have had a remarkable number of clients who subconsciously struggled with the "meaning of life". And not just people from one age group. No, a wide range between 8 and 75 years old. For me this is a sign I also need to work again on my own 'perception' of the meaning I give to my life. I am convinced that we are here to fulfill a task, each of us in a different field or a different way. Often this task is so obvious, we do not see that it is right in front of our nose. But when you finally see it, there is a big relief and you have a purpose to work on it.

I think we all have moments where we are not in touch with our purpose. A possible method to get back in touch with it is called Future Pace. You visualise that you are 95 years old and you look back at your life. How will you be remembered? Why will people miss you? What will they think about you? What qualities did you manifest? Even when you are young this visualisation can be very powerful and makes you aware of what you are doing. Maybe you need to change your direction now? With NEI therapy we can use the Future Pace method to see clearly our life purpose and to know exactly why we have lost contact with it.

What is your mission?

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 09:40:18 +0100

Growing and changing is an ever ongoing process. You can grow unconsciously and allow experiences to happen to you without you planning them. You live your life as it comes. Or you can choose to actively strive and look for inner growth and change.

If you want to grow spiritually you have to choose your mission: why are you here, why do you live this life, what is your contribution to this world? Your mission can be anything. For example, it is my mission to help people find their passion and their talent, so they can study, work and live in a constant flow of satisfaction and motivation. It is very important that you write down your mission and read it every day several times, so that you get more and more inspired to actually live your mission. Instead of staying in your daily routine of working from nine-to-five, coming home, eating, watching TV, reading the paper and sleeping, it is your mission that will give you a lot of positive energy. It will make you step out of your safe circle, but in return it will make your life much more interesting and rich.

Find a mission that inspires you and make sure that you are 100% congruent with it. Having a mission has nothing to do with age, intelligence or education. Everybody, regardless of age, has a mission and determining it has great value for the quality of your life.

NEI therapy can help you determine your mission in life. NEI makes sure that you are or become 100% congruent with this mission. Only then you can make it happen.

Success is inside all of us

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 22:06:32 +0100

Every living creature on earth feels the urge to blossom. The only thing that prevents humans from blossoming are their limiting ideas about themselves. We often have critical feelings about ourselves with regards to:
- our capacities and talents
- our performance
- our status in groups
- our body and the way we look
- our financial situation

A healthy self esteem is when you have a respectful attitude towards yourself and when you are happy with all the capacities you have and you accept also the weaknesses in your abilities.

The biggest mistake many of us make is that we link our self esteem to what others (or the society) think is normal. If we cannot live up to the general criteria our self esteem is affected. We think we are not good enough. Our self esteem can then be too low and then it obstructs our functioning and development. Our self esteem can also be too high, which brings us in situations we cannot handle.

NEI therapy has proven to have great results to improve the self esteem. It quickly gives clients :
- a positive view about themselves, which promotes inner peace and personal satisfaction
- appreciation for oneself
- a feeling to be loved
- the right to just be who you are
- energy to manage new experiences and challenges
- the ability to enjoy new experiences
- the ability to set new boundaries
- complete acceptance of oneself
- independance of others
- everything is good as it is.

Colours as mood influencers

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 08:37:41 +0100

The colours people like and often wear can tell you a lot about the mood they are in. Since I work as a coach I find it more and more interesting to use colours as part of the therapy. I have seen people change and behave differently when wearing other colours. And it is great that NEI therapy offers such a simple and accurate technique to discover what colours empower you on every level.

Whether we are aware of it or not, colour affects our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self. Our bodies are dependant on light and operate as a prism, when sun shines onto our body the 'white' light creates the rainbow colours which fragment equally into the seven main chakras or energy centres of the body, these are our 'batteries'.

Black

Black is the color of authority and power. It is popular in fashion because it makes people appear thinner. It is also stylish and timeless. Black also implies submission. Priests wear black to signify submission to God. Some fashion experts say a woman wearing black implies submission to men. Black outfits can also be overpowering, or make the wearer seem aloof or evil. Villains, such as Dracula, often wear black.

White

Brides wear white to symbolize innocence and purity. White reflects light and is considered a summer color. White is popular in decorating and in fashion because it is light, neutral, and goes with everything. However, white shows dirt and is therefore more difficult to keep clean than other colors. Doctors and nurses wear white to imply sterility.

Red

The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier. Since it is an extreme color, red clothing might not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Red cars are popular targets for thieves. In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention.

The most romantic color, pink, is more tranquilizing. Sports teams sometimes paint the locker rooms used by opposing teams bright pink so their opponents will lose energy.

Blue

The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms.

Green

Currently the most popular decorating color, green symbolizes nature. It is the easiest color on the eye and can improve vision. It is a calming, refreshing color. People waiting to appear on TV sit in "green rooms" to relax. Hospitals often use green because it relaxes patients. Brides in the Middle Ages wore green to symbolize fertility. Dark green is masculine, conservative, and implies wealth. However, seamstresses often refuse to use green thread on the eve of a fashion show for fear it will bring bad luck.

Yellow

Cheerful sunny yellow is an attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms, and babies will cry more. It is the most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it can be overpowering if overused. Yellow enhances concentration, hence its use for legal pads. It also speeds metabolism.

Purple

The color of royalty, purple connotes luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic. However, because it is rare in nature, purple can appear artificial.

Brown

Solid, reliable brown is the color of earth and is abundant in nature. Light brown implies genuineness while dark brown is similar to wood or leather. Brown can also be sad and wistful. Men are more apt to say brown is one of their favorite colors.

Quality of life

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 23:13:58 +0100

Most people lead their lives by focussing on others instead of themselves. An unpleasant phonecall can keep you angry or frustrated for hours. You do not say what you think, because someone else might interpret it differently. You are afraid of something that might happen to you in the future. What is it that makes us feel and behave like this?

Our behaviour is lead by our subconscience. Our subconscience is programmed by our experiences, a bit like a computer. And these experiences influence how you interpret or interpreted your reality, or better 'your emotional reality'. And this reality is the basis for your thoughts and behaviour. An example: You are afraid of dogs. Dogs are not scary, you find them scary. That is your emotional reality. Maybe you were bitten by a dog in the past and now you are afraid it will happen again. You do not want to be afraid, you know there is no need to be afraid, but because of your emotional blockage you run away again and again. It is settled in your subconscience. You do not have a choice.

Neuro Emotional Integration shows you the reason and motivation of behaviour often hidden far away in your past, and to let go of blockages and hindering convictions. You will understand the relation between your feelings and your behaviour. As long as conscience and subconscience are not congruent, it will cost you energy. This incongruency or imbalance will stay in your body and cells as an 'emotional virus'. The discovery of your emotions is not only very exciting, it also makes you aware of why we sabotage ourselves. Our physical problems often have negative emotions as origins that obstruct the healing of the body.

When it is clear when and why the emotion was created, we can bring back balance in the left and right hemispheres of the brain. The blocked energy can be released and often this is a nice experience. It gives you space and energy. A treatment often takes just a few sessions. If you want to improve the quality of your life quickly, NEI therapy has shown fantastic results.

Emotional Balance

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:38:47 +0100

Deep in our hearts we all want a vital and happy life, don't we? Why is that so hard for many of us? Why are we blocking ourselves? Why are we sabotising our good intentions. Why are we over emotional sometimes. And why are we not as happy as we want to be? WHY?!

The answers lie within yourself. You have all the tools to be emotionally in balance. NEI therapy is a great method to find the answers and to use your potential to the max!

NEI® Therapy stands for Neuro Emotional Integration, but I also like to call it New Enlightening Information. NEI® is an effective method to find and integrate emotions that were not well digested. To relive the initial incident is not necessary. Neither do we have long talk sessions about it. But it learns you the following skills:

1. to better observe, judge and express emotions

2. to understand and overcome your limiting behavioural patterns and sabotage mechanisms

3. to trust yourself and your intuition

4. to change the routines that hold you back and to change your behaviour forever

5. to discover your highest goals and values

6. and how you can reach these goals and have optimal fulfilment and succes

Everybody who has experienced NEI®, has understood how to function best, has learned to visualise and reach goals and is aware that happiness is a mindset that you can create yourself at any time.